Blurred Thoughts?????

I have definitely neglected this blog for a few weeks, it seems that I have not been focused on much of anything here lately. I feel as though I am being pulled in 20 different directions with no "true direction" in front of me. With a barrage of things that have been happening, seemingly all at the same time, I find myself unfocused and full of stress and worry.....not a good combination. Do you ever feel like your life is in a downward spiral? I know each of us has a purpose, but when things get hazy it seems difficult to hold a line.

I did take a hiatus from heavy riding to deer hunt for about 10 days, it did me good to sit in a tree for hours at a time alone with my thoughts but it also linked itself to allowing myself to drift into the "what if?" thoughts. Molly has been battling this stomach issue for quite some time and with no real answers sometimes the scary thoughts try to creep into your head, I won't write out the thoughts but I'm sure you get the idea. I know she is in good hands, she has been doing really well this past week, it's just frustrating (especially for her) that we haven't gotten it 100% taken care of.....yet!!!

I haven't been able to ride much with her being less than 100% for several days and me being needed at home more, I am happy to fulfill my responsibilities but not being able to relinquish the added stress makes things a bit tougher. I feel as though I have put a couple pounds back on, that doesn't scare me because I know how to take it off, but it does piss me off big time!!!!!

I miss racing, not because I am overly fast or all that good but because that is the best training out there. It is so hard to simulate (at least for me) race speed and intensity while training, and only getting a ride in here and maybe there my fitness isn't anything near what it was. I know that a person needs to have a bit of rest to recharge the batteries, I just hadn't planned on taking this kind of break. I'm not sure what 2010 has lined up for me, I may not be racing as much as I would like but I plan to ride even more than before. I have some training workouts that I had thought about over the summer that I need to commit to print and schedule myself a workout plan. I need to be more goal oriented with everything, riding included, I need to "plan my work, and work my plan". I would like to do Lumberjack again this year, I have even thought about going single speed but there are so many big ring sections that it makes it hard for me to commit to one gear. I hit the whole range on gears the past two years at Lumberjack, cranking the big ring and grinding the granny gear (especially the last lap) on those long ass climbs, I'm not even sure what gear ratio I would run. I would have to contact every single speed racer that I could to find out what ratio they ran. I would really like to buy a new geared 29er and race it but I don't think that will happen in the next several months, but you never know!!! If I ride the same bike for quite some time that is okay too because I have an awesome bike (it's just hard to make some of those switchbacks with the training wheels on).